Make Choices but don’t let them master you.

It’s been a long time, I could pull myself together to write something. As a part of #everydayinspiration, I was sent couple of one word prompts- hope, regret, home, choice, secret and abundance. I went through that email several times and found my mind flooding with endless thoughts and today I have finally made my choice… 🙂 Writing about choices…

Now what about choices? In fact what we are today is the culmination of all the choices which we ever made: personal, professional etc. and in today’s scenario, when there are so many options thrown at us, I feel that rather than simplifying our lives, taking decisions about even tiny things, turns out to be a mind-boggling exercise.

I remember how few days back, while planning to buy some wall-shelves for my living room, I spent hours on surfing through endless number of shopping sites, looking at nearly thousands of items, shortlisted few however still couldn’t make my mind.  I was so saturated and drained out at the end of that futile process that I eventually postponed the idea of buying one. Yes, it would have certainly turned fruitful if I had someone to guide me or help me understand my own requirements and I would have been able to make a choice. Now this is what we generally advise people to do that it’s better to handover the steering wheel to someone else, especially when you find your mind clouded with doubts and dilemmas.

Now this is an extremely pragmatic opinion. But rather than feeling impressed with my mind which has suddenly started working so prudently, I found myself amused while thinking of this.

Today in fact, when I look at myself and take a quick account of my life, I feel that even while making the most significant life-choices whether they were related to my career or life or relationships, I ever thought of working under someone’s guided opinion. Now this is what which leaves me intrigued. Can we really weigh options and take intelligent decisions which guarantee fool proof success and triumph to us? Can we orient our mind in this way? What should be done when our emotions over power us? I have at several occasions, found my mind covered with some invisible walls and I simply refuse to listen to anyone but my own voice.

Many decades back, I made a choice pertaining to my profession. The choice was to pursue Masters in Social Work from Delhi University. I did complete the course, worked for few NGOs for couple of years, found that my decision was though not completely wrong but was more driven by my emotions. During the field work, visits to remote places and meeting people from diverse fields was very exciting but I was completely disillusioned to see that most of the developmental work for which funding agencies shell out millions of rupees and give the developmental agencies in forms of funds and grants remains mostly confined to paper-work. Writing reports with fake facts and figures was not what I was made up for.

I suddenly joined the corporate sector which kept me charmed for few years with its beautiful air conditioned buildings, financially stable job and many opportunities of madness. I did many things from client servicing, managing administration and operations, juggling with numbers and reports but the monotony of it, left me saturated and I decided to put an end to it. There was lot of money and fun but no sense of gratification. I decided to take a step back and re-evaluate what my dreams were and what was lacking in my life which left my mind and soul with such in-satiated appetite.

That was the time to pursue my real calling and decided to follow my heart. I took my final plunge and took up the teaching profession. Today after 7 years of my working as a teacher and of course, during this period, I worked upon acquiring couple of professional degrees to qualify to work in schools, I eventually find myself happy and contented. Today I feel that though I went through lot of trials and tribulations,  I finally took a correct decision of choosing my dreams over the financial stability which my previous jobs promised in abundance.

Today when I interact with my students who do rely upon me for a correct guidance for making good choices in life, I strongly feel that it’s certainly my duty to help them. However if I just give some concrete ideas and concepts to work upon, I will be depriving them of the fun which lies in making certain mistakes and then embracing them. Rather than finding them turning into mere prototypes, I would rather love to see them becoming passionate dreamers and wanderers.

I have found many relatives and friends of mine, telling it to me that I had been pretty impulsive and stupid which resulted in my making many wrong choices in my life. But my mind still refuses to agree to this.

Those were not mistakes what I committed. Today when I look at my past, I find a life led with so many enriching and learning experiences. I don’t feel regretful and still have no plans to shut the doors to my past but yes, I feel I have opened another door to my future. Though there could be some shades of grey, but I feel, my life is like a rainbow with endless colours and hues. In fact so called wrong choices which are easily labelled by many as sheer mistakes, I feel completely different about them. I see them as my most valuable assets. I have so many experiences to share with my kids in the school. And when they make mistakes in the classroom,  I don’t run out of patience and tolerance and i don’t rush to call them “stupid”. In fact I strongly detest the idea of making them feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Today while writing about “CHOICES”, I still don’t find myself thinking in terms of stagnation and inertia, I feel life is all about experiencing it and discovering what eventually works for you. The best choices are those which finally leave you happy and satisfied. 🙂

 

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Day two: Write a List

This is the next task assigned to me as a part of #everydayinspiration and out of the choices offered to me, I thought I will write on “Things I’ve learned”. Believe me, when I looked at the topic, I once smiled at the childishness of the task. I have already spent enough decades on this planet, living and doing certain things. Enlisting them is a child’s play.

However contrary to my anticipation, when I started writing, my mind was flooded with many unrelated thoughts with loose ends. How to start and organize my ideas was a herculean task indeed.  So I just decided to write randomly about some of the things I have learnt in my life:

  • No one is perfectly happy in this world and has some or other reason to remain worried about. The reasons may differ but the pain and the agony one goes through, it’s all same. So there is no point in comparing my situation with that person’s and feel unhappier.
  • It’s a very human tendency to make mistakes and there are probably many who really have to mess up themselves endless times before they get it right. And sometimes people like me don’t get it right at all. J

So let me accept myself as I am….the vulnerable, gullible one and stop feeling guilt-ridden. Let me live my life without any regret or remorse.

  • There is nothing so called “happy settled life”. Many of us in spite of our attempts of entering into relationships and trying to build them, are not able to cope with the complexities of the same and then end up resigning to seclusion. There is no point in feeling bad about it.
  • I have learnt many wonderful things from my kids at school. These kids are wonderful in reading our minds and as adults, if we are harbouring this notion somewhere inside us that we can manipulate with them, we will be proven absolutely wrong. Our earned cleverness fails in front of their natural perceptiveness which is borne out of their God given innocence and virtuousness. They do judge us very correctly.
  • “Zara”, my dog has taught me thankfulness, appreciation and unconditional love. She reciprocates to my each and every gesture and wants the same from me. She doesn’t like if I act in an indifferent manner. Likewise, I feel everybody around us like acknowledgement and appreciation. There are so many people around us whom we take for granted and don’t really thank them for their contribution in our lives.

Why do I write?

Well good habits are hard to form and i am bent upon including at least this one good habit in my daily regime..that is, to write everyday.

Now answering the question “Why do I write?” is not difficult to answer but yes, there is a strong probability of my missing upon few reasons.

Okay let me start with few most important ones. I write as it lends me a purposeful thinking. Writing does allow my mind to go astray but at the same time, I do get a result, an outcome of my thinking and contemplation. My thoughts, at the end of the day, don’t end in trash.

When i look at my write-up, it gives me an immense sense of gratification which may be there in other activities too, like spending time with my dog or gardening for that matter but the intensity of satisfaction is always much more and the feeling is absolutely different. Writing brings out my creative side.

Another reason is that it helps me to think intensively about the things. I derive a different perspective about those things too, which may be considered mundane or boring. I get an opportunity to look above the surface level and get an entirely different ideas about the things.

I write as it helps me to utilize my leisure time. If i had not been doing this, i would have certainly been watching TV or simply lazing around. So writing does give me a sense of accomplishment and  I am able to avoid going through guilt and regret.

Writing gives me a kick. I feel happy and rejuvenated. Unlike other stimulants, it energizes me and motivates me to indulge into this more often. It is a great vent for one’s emotional energy and does help in organizing one’s thoughts. It also helps me to relate to the writings of other people around me.

Another reason could be pertaining to my profession too. Since i am a teacher by profession and i teach language to senior kids. As a language teacher, i keep striving for inculcating reading and writing habits among my students. So through my blog i may be able to set myself as a real life example in front of my students.

And last but not the least, it does make me different. 🙂