THE ART OF WANDERING !

A life spent prudently and played with all the rules learnt from everyone, even from swindlers, crooks and fools, no offense meant to anyone, after all everyone has his own lesson of strength to lend and resilience to share.

In midst of all this, doesn’t mind crave sometimes to idle away time on useless things or just loiter around aimlessly?

Does “loitering “sound a bit offensive so let me call aimless wandering? It is no less than an art.

That’s what I did a few days back. It was a beautiful Sunday evening. It was a bright evening, I felt elated. Face flushed with a sense of carefree irresponsibility, I walked with a spring in my step. I was all in mood to enjoy my leisure. Should I turn left or right? I was free to choose.

The way I walked I felt as if many gave me an amused look and I kept walking, panning my gaze all over, and pausing once in a while to feast my eyes on any attractive object that arrests my attention.

A beautiful model on a large billboard in front of me seemed to gaze at me, “Where are you going?” she pursued. Nowhere, I said. She seemed to stare at me for a moment and soon seemed to be wearing a look of perplexed dejection as I walked off.

On Sunday evening, every place looks simply swarming with people that no one gives attention to anyone.

And in midst of all this crowd, I simply seem to blend well, when I realize that in spite of being still counted as disadvantaged as compared to the people who are rich, famous or have a striking personality, I can still enjoy the marvelous benefits of insignificance and the being a part of anonymity.

If it hadn’t been would I have been able to enjoy myself with such carefree abandon and this kindda carefree irresponsibility.

The road side stalls and all the eateries crowded with noisy families bashing away regardless greedily demolishing the heaps of food before them seemed to satisfy my own need of satiation.

In that noise, I could sense a tranquil ambiance, so comforting and flattering emerging in my heart that I could really surf through my hearts content, and simply lost myself into that wonderful state of timelessness I experienced that time and I realized it happened because I was totally engrossed into doing something I loved.

Shall I go further wandering through the streets where every person seems to give some news, everything has a novelty and every poster has its advice to lend. Or shall I simply head home???

In that silent walk, all of us…the houses, the stones, posters and the sky held a long friendly conversation on the possibilities which were endless!

The freedom to enjoy life and win its ultimate reward, a happiness you gain when you really cease doing the things you have to do. You stop valuing time and you achieve its highest value. What reward could be greater than a life enjoyed as it is lived?

So do discover the art of wandering and you can trade in the art of living from the business of living.

THE SERPENT OF DESIRE !

From the summit of my brain
A desire broke, eager to flow like
a lake which melts from a glacier.
And instead inside,
a shower of fire erupts.

I found myself quivering wildly,
till the pulse stops shaking and the body glides away.
A rattle forms within!!!

My head buried in the pillow of need,
A cry escapes into a hiss.
A guilt struggles for breath
A noise smoothens into gasp of bliss.

And I want to wake you
You are in the bed two feet away.

A serpent pulses through me,
caught swirling lazily,
Rattling devilishly and playfully
Asking you to come and dance with it.

Looking into the mirror with my reflection
Same eyelids, same hair, same glance,
I found there a serpent eating her own tail!!!

And soon you and me,
caught into violent dance,
A passion of pain,
Injects venom into those moments
which dies its own slow death.

This night differs
As it negotiates our old pact and speaks of a new deal.

Now during the nights
When the breeze creeps in through the window,
Our backs arch and the bodies churn,
The fingers claw and we bite into the flesh!!!

Out of a tie still hushed,
Yet wider and louder now.
A relation has evolved,
which makes sharper hissing sounds.

A pattern has been altered,
Ugly stitches dropped,
And fresh, challenging threads picked up!!!

A bond is relieved of all the words,
As it is full of its own meaning!!!

LOSS OF A MAGIC……….

It’s been a long time since I thought of loosening hold on my awareness…

I remained more or less in a strange kind of wakefulness, a watchfulness which grew so resolute, so stubborn and unyielding, I gradually realised it ended up growing into an insatiable greed within me, to gather things in my mind…

I started storing events within me. The experiences were gathered in my mind, so raw, so inflamed all the time.

Amidst that struggle to maintain a constant connection with the subject, emotions and expression, I suddenly realised a different state of mind. Wasn’t I trying to internalise all which is external. Am I living in two worlds???

Seeing an ugly old woman walking in front of me with a limp, made me internally weak and I felt innocent and joyful inside, if my eyes settled on a baby. At that moment, I felt I was a baby, but at the same time, I was unable to loosen like him and managed to carry out a meaningful conversation.

While under your own steam completely unaware of the surroundings and living in a world of an own, imagining that the life is stable now and my moods are manageable, my body is fit and my sleep is sound and my friendships are not co-dependent.

A mind which dwells carefully in the present and still sneaks into those memories distant and a mind tangled in the jungles of desires, still wants to fall prey to certain moments, who like those remorseless beasts, manage to inhabit some dark spaces of the mind.

At such instances, mind realises loss of a magic, magic like once happened with you. And that magic almost out-paces you at every turn and you gradually find a desire deeper and deeper inside you ends up into a growing gloom.

Magic like that while walking on a lonely road, one day, a flower which just fallen from the tree, stepped on your feet, and you stopped to pick it up, and hold it in your fingers and you suddenly found more of them strewn all over the ground.

You would find them out also when you climb up the hills at twilight, which flits in and out of those small caves in the cliffs. Those flowers lead you to the forests where you would find more of them, hiding behind trees, and if you lost them or all they lost you, you would always find them again.

And it didn’t matter, if you followed them all day, there was nothing to fear, the edge of the world was miles away.

The Foggy Days!

A chilly morning, so cold and windy that I felt for a moment it is scarcely a day to take a walk. Everything seems to be withdrawn as far as possible, withdrawn or indrawn….

There is fog is everywhere, shadowy and spreading swiftly everywhere and in my mind I imagine some untamed spirits of dead, taking funny shapes, roaming around in that dusky wrap.

In that wrap, I could hear many footsteps, all of us kept disappearing like shadows and only traces of steps of those who visited the park could be seen, the wet ground pounded by their feet.

As a woman, with a deliberate feeling of carrying a cover around, I found myself whispering in imagination to the trees around me. The whispers felt so intimate to the inmost ear of the spirits surrounding me, that I could feel they are now aroused enough to wrap me in a gentle affirmation of being a part of their peaceful and loving existence. I could feel some unrestrained warmth rising from the smoke surrounding me.

The rackety, icy wind numbed my face. The sky looks darker than usual. I actually looked at the sky which seemed to be carrying the colour of a jade, which is not as beautiful, as I thought it is.

In that upright, steely mist, I followed a track of steps, made by rubber boots along the wet soil which came on lengths and lengths, endless and finally, when they did end, I suddenly realised that during all this time, I had been following my own steps.

Following a kite string?–But no kite. And on the end of that wet string, I saw myself rising up the tides of those waves of mist, looking like a ghost, soaking wet.

Many things about this day are dubious.

I rushed back home to retire there and do nothing, read boring books and write down some useless notes, talk to myself about these foggy days, and while sipping on hot coffee, simply watch through the window, the droplets slipping, heavy with light.

And today when the wind is so cold, of course all the houses boarded up, I like others, wait for the sun to come out, even for a minute. During that minute, it would be lovely to see people, like those multi-coloured, drab and damp, scattered stones set in the sand would spread out their aching bodies, would throw shadows, individual shadows, and after this brief teasing by sun, a dark coldness would pull them in, again. .

Random Musings

We are so attuned to this daily humdrum of life that we tend to get panicky and scared when life suddenly decides to take an unwarranted pause and then we get some time and space to look into the clutter we have surrounded ourselves with. But surprisingly, it doesn’t bother you much. Everything suddenly turns immaterial..all anxieties, worries simply vanish and one tends to just flow with that wave of time..No hurry and no rush at all..One feels blissful and at peace..I really wish such pauses occur more frequently.

Love is What……We All Seek

He entered the room carrying a yearning to plunder in his eyes,
Those say that he wants to mince her

Eyes which either carried a certainty that those moments
when he simply pounded her were always the righteous ones.
Or guilt they carried, borne out of a deep human need…
A desire not ready to forgive the last rejection with ease.

A repression, ample in size mercilessly,
Ground her deeply,
She suffering a miserable loneliness, was trampled,
And she kept spreading like specks of sand…

A brawl continued, she kept struggling out of
Assumptions society loaded on her back
Doctrines of marriage absurdly narrated out.
A frame of mind was put forward to her, which she accepted.

And then she also kept remembering with a strange fondness
Those moments
While those fists were little tender
When the ceremonies of marriage were on.

The Struggle Continues……..

As she is unaware that what needs now that she needs to burst
Not-so-like a Pretty Pink Bubble.
But dazzle as the dark falls over the Fool’s Paradise
For the oppressed- BE the fighter!

Let’s put stop to this struggle
Which would continue as it listens to liars,
Instead of their own noisy conscience
and simply ignores the dejected souls piercing cries.

Now the time has come
Tell him that
There would be no explosion from the core of my body.
Forget the summits you always could achieve.

Kneel down,
Call me your queen
With that grazed throat of yours,
And say that now you understand my that soaring pain

I would let you crawl and climb me,
But treat me as when you had started to fall in love with me.
Let you melt and untie my frozen heart
Make me look at you with awaken eye.

Let those moments bring
Roses, roses coming from within my heart and spread thoroughly
Looking like
As if some wound which was kept hidden from the sight
has unceasingly started dropping blood.

And you lovingly wrapped a bandage
A moan left your throat could be your last one!!!
However it is enough tribute to conquer my heart,
As only love is what we both need to seek!

The unbelievable is already nothing
It is love what we need to hunt for
And believe me
I would awaken my eyes for you and my heart would melt away.

AN ODE TO OCEAN !

A vast ocean with no horizon to view
All margins out of reach.

Yet, every wave with dreams and mysteries coiled in,
Spills new thoughts
Shows a dream that someone would teach.
How I take my first plunge in this ocean of vastness!!!

Which washes away the mind,
That throws up memories.

My heart splits open
And comes out a liberated child
Which just knows dance, wildness and love.

My soul gives up
A translucent veil, soiled with reflections of the past
I so proudly wear!!!

Little by little answers come with waves,
I gathered few shells of dreams.
I found solace, few exceptional truths.

I learnt, though pain resides in every heart,
Though few minds simply refuse even to dream.
The endurance of love surely bears It’s fruit.

I left the ocean
With a deep feeling of calmness
Yet dreaming of that pearl
Which lies down under that ocean of love.

Is it a dream too hard to fight?
And no one could help me believing,
that I am striving for the right.