To be candid, i doubt if there is anything special to say on this weekend, nothing of great import has happened this week, in fact, it left me less inspired and more tired…life busier these days ….and i am still caught up in everyday audition of finding comfort in routine of ordinary, simple, & mundane stuff like enjoying toasting a toast or the dripping sound of coffee in the pot.. That 5:30 wake up every morning, when i, bleary eyed, find rage pulsing through my veins as leaving pillow which seems to cuddle now closer by me, it seems to be the most frustrating moment of my day.
But after tossing and turning for a while, finally i get up and eventually get caught in the same humdrum of life, taking an invigorating shower to shake off my previous night’s lethargy, dusting off my bruised mind and amidst all these familiar every day sounds of running tap, hair drier, my feet toying with messy things on the floor, the bed sheet left unfolded, i take note of a little thought in my mind which seems to be amused by this chase, the “meaningful” part of life that we all live……..
Well, apart from that, I keep wandering around this large blogosphere too, reading the latest blogs, full with reasons why our lives are significant, written in well-spurted sentences and while i find myself mostly thinking inwardly, all the words simply float around my head in circles, taking me nowhere and i simply get lost in the rhythm of it all, like a child in his make believe world.
In this blogosphere, a lot seems to change, consistently, constantly…..we all speaking out our truths-tiny and large, significant and insignificant, evaluating ourselves, criticizing others, lifting ourselves up, bringing down others, with so much said yet much left unsaid too……
Well, i think that’s life, everyone living here in his own world, believing he’s famous. No joke, no offense intended here.
Well with all this inner reflection, my life currently can be summed up in one word: that is ROUTINE. Home? Job? Food? Clothes? I miss sitting in a silence, quiet, still and at peace for life seems to blaze like a strong and steady flame, hectic & consuming, where answer to everything seems to be lying in tomorrow. Living in the moment should be the new fad.
There are endless things which are already occupying my life, but since nothing is fetching any earth shatteringly extraordinary experience, i constantly think of finding missing pieces and parts.
And eventually i find myself indulging into many new things I always thought i wanted to do, i endlessly work upon a mindset, I always imagined i want to have, i work hard to acquire a potential, i always desired myself growing up with. I endeavour to become an awesome person, emerge a best friend anyone could ask for, grow as someone who is genuinely loved, become a person who always speaks with wisdom, want to have a mind which never forgets, and want to have a heart too, which is able to forgive.
But beneath all these grown chunks of myself, i find a soul, still empty and shallow, frightened and shocked….in all these upheavals of life, i find a gravity pulling me down for what do i find, instead of capturing a moment where i can really hold myself, i lose myself in all those moments….